I’m turning 25 next month and it’s made me feel uneasy. There’s this unspoken pressure that by now I should have it all together,  to know exactly who I am, where I’m going, and what my life is supposed to look like. The truth is, I don’t. I feel as lost and unsure as anyone else.

There are so many paths I could take. Do I live abroad for a year? Do I go back to university and pursue a master’s degree? Do I commit to climbing the corporate ladder? Or do I leave corporate altogether and chase happiness - whatever that means? It’s daunting, but at the same time it’s exciting. 

Taylor Swift once said, “the bad news is you’re on your own now, but the good news is you’re on your own now!” That line captures for me the strange oxymoron of life in your 20s, how what feels terrifying can also feel liberating, how uncertainty can turn into something unexpectedly beautiful.

To make sense of it, I spoke to my friend Selin Pera, marketing guru and professional music fangirl, who is 25, about how she is navigating this season of life.

1. Can you share a decision (big or small) that shifted the direction of your life this year?

Selin: This year I decided to quit my job. It was probably the biggest decision of my life so far, especially in my mid 20s, living in a very expensive city like London at the height of a cost of living crisis, with barely any savings to my name. I quit because I was aware of the burnout I was facing and how it was becoming nearly impossible for me to progress in my role due to a lack of passion. I am someone who aspires to be great and successful, and I don’t ever want to produce work that is half done or not up to the best standard. My life has shifted immensely since then, as I have lost my routine, a steady income, and the drive to work. Maybe this is what they mean about your mid 20s, when you start questioning everything.

2. When you feel overwhelmed by all the possibilities, what grounds you or helps you cope?

Selin: Cry, yap, complain, repeat. By going through this cycle multiple times, I eventually reach a steady thinking space where I am ready to accept that whatever situation I am in is what it is and beyond me. All I can do is move on (while still holding onto some annoyance and anxiety). It is so easy to fall into the trap, especially when you are young, of believing you need to have everything figured out, and I fall into this trap a lot too. But then I take one look at strangers, one look at the water, one look at the sky, take a deep breath, and realise there are endless opportunities, and I have time to embrace whatever comes my way.

3. How has your idea of “success” changed since entering your mid-20s?

Selin: Success can be found in anything, and I think as I get older, I need to realise that. Our brains are wired from the very start to believe that success means following a certain societal pattern: graduate, get a job, make lots of money, buy a house, get married, and have kids. I still compare myself to these standards, it is hard not to. But success also comes from the small things around you. Success in having the right friends, success in having a good support group, success in even finding art, poetry, or music that connects with your soul. As I get older, fewer and fewer things are handed to me, so I have to actively search for them and make them work. And when they do, I feel proud of my success. I think it is also important to reflect on your gratitudes and to check your privilege and situation compared to others. Every evening, I make my housemates list three things they are grateful for (and I do this too). Sometimes it is as simple as being grateful for a really nice coffee. If it has made my day better, then I would say that is success.

4. If you could give your younger self one piece of advice about growing up, what would it be?

Selin: 100000% that today’s stress will be something you forget about whether if it’s in a days time, a weeks time, month or a year. The thing you’re stressing over now, you won’t even remember or be phased by it in the long run, don’t take things too seriously. 

5. What are your hopes for this chapter of your life and how do you imagine the next few years unfolding?

Selin: I think now that I am unemployed, and for the first time ever really, I do not have any form of routine or expectation of myself. I really hope this new chapter brings enjoyment in discovering new things about me. I want to focus on small aspects of my life and build from there rather than always looking at the bigger picture. I tend to focus on the bigger picture for my future, but I need to pay attention to the small things in order to make the bigger things work.

I imagine the next few years unfolding with me hopefully being more social and meeting new people. Hopefully travelling, experiencing new cultures and ways of life. I hope that the creativity I hold shines through in every aspect of my life, from my work to my social life. It sounds cheesy and like a cop out answer, but I really just hope that I am happy and that I am me.

Want to find Selin?  Follow her on Instagram

Anu Aborisade